Choosing Happiness

I was asked recently why Mom’s for Xanax is so happy. I took offense to that comment, because it seemed that “happy” was used in such an artificial, saccharine way. I don’t really view it as a “happy blog”. I think it is more of a chronicle of our growing family with some of my random thoughts thrown in here and there. The intent is certainly not to blow sunshine up anyone’s behind. I fully recognize that life is not always rainbows and lollipops.

There is a lot of crappy stuff lurking around that I could blog about. The economy in general, and the housing market in particular, are a wreck. The downfall of a moral society can be witnessed daily by watching Jersey Shore. What is the deal with gas prices? My three beautiful children are not perfect, in fact sometimes they can act pretty ugly. Laundry is not filling my soul with joy, and don’t get me started on diaper changing.

Sometimes the only thing I have control over is my attitude, so I choose to be happy. Choosing happiness isn’t always easy. It feels good to vent and complain and be generally morose. And there are always people who are willing to bitch with you. But in the end, this whining and complaining and yuckiness get you nowhere. It lingers in your affect making you bitter and no fun to be around.

So when I want to be a complete hag here are some things I do to choose happiness. Maybe some will work for you:

Do something as soon as you wake up in the morning that makes you happy.  For me it is a cup of coffee. Maybe it is going to the gym, or praying, or calling your mom.

Do something nice for others. Make it a habit. They may not appreciate it at first (or ever), but you are setting an example for the people around you. I have a list of ideas here if you need inspiration.

Ditch the negativity. It can be as simple as turning off the television when the news is bringing you down or not engaging in a conversation that will cause needless anxiety. On the other hand, it can be hard to cut out negativity when it is a person in your life that is causing it. Is it time to reevaluate friendships and other relationships that are draining you?

Count your blessings, especially the small ones. We can easily take the big stuff like our health and family for granted, but the small things are reasons for happiness too. Sleeping well at night, a vacuumed floor, opening the mailbox and not finding a bill are all small things that can provide a touch of happiness to your day.

Turn a negative into a positive. Doing that laundry means my children have clothing to wear. Dirty dishes in the sink are a result of a home cooked meal. Patrick’s late night work call means he is still contributing value to his workplace. Is an overbooked social schedule really a bad thing? It means you have friends!

Finally, remember that this too shall pass- whether it is a headache, a really bad week, or eventually...hopefully...the crappy housing market.

Patrick turned 40 last Friday. The kids and I ventured out in the rain to stuff his car full of helium balloons while he was at work. Laughing and pulling a trick on daddy’s birthday made the kids happy. Thinking of Patrick trying to get in the car made me happy. Driving home with the balloons so the kids could have them (I would have released those suckers) made Patrick happy. Sometimes it's the little things that create happiness.

Am I happy 24/7? No. Unfortunately Patrick often gets an earful when I have had a particularly long day. But in general, I choose happiness in life and in my blog.

Manageable Mornings

Occasionally readers will email blog topics they think I should write about. I appreciate feedback and suggestions so very much, and I keep a running list of requests/ideas.

For the last few weeks a friend who will remain nameless (Bridget aka Anxiety Gal) has been harassing me to write a series about how I run and structure my days. And when I say harass... I mean harass. I think she has brought it up everyday.

She suggested I call it, “Setting Yourself Up For Success”. I love this title because it accurately describes why I do some of the occasionally militant things I do during the day...day in and day out. And it sounds so much better than a series entitled, “How Anal-Retentiveness Can Work For You!”

For the purposes of tagging the series, look for “Winning” under content. Again, it sounds better than “Tiger Blood”. Thank you, Charlie Sheen!

So without further ado (no I have not been drinking this morning), I give you the first installment in the “Setting Yourself Up For Success” series... insert mental drum-roll...Manageable Mornings!

I firmly believe that the morning sets the tone for the rest of the day. This may be scary to you, especially if you are not a morning person. Believe me, I am NOT a morning person either.

When you are frazzled, rushed, disorganized and just generally grumpy in the morning it seeps into the rest of your day. Your afternoons are spent trying to catch up or are written off all together. By the time bedtime rolls around you may look around your home (and family) and think, “what did I accomplish today?” And, “why am I in such a crappy mood?”

A big trick to successful mornings is getting things done the night before. Here is what it looks like in our house- maybe you do some of the same things.

Pick out your clothes the night before and make sure they are ready. For school mornings this means making sure the kids’ uniforms are hanging on the door the night before. On swim lesson mornings I put their trunks and swim suit next to their beds. Church outfits are picked out Saturday night. This applies to me as well. If I am going to the gym after preschool drop off, I make sure my clothes are laundered and ready to go in the morning. Mornings are not for choosing what to wear, looking for clean underwear, or locating an errant shoe. Ironing does not happen in the morning...but that never happens in this home. The weather is no excuse- check the weather channel for updates the night before. You get the picture.

Have a dumping spot...and use it. I have a spot by the front door that I dump every thing I need to take with me in the morning. Things you would find here (depending on the day of the week) would include forms that need to go to school, towels for swim lessons, packages for UPS drop off, my gym bag, bank deposits, dry cleaning etc. I hate forgetting things and even more than forgetting things I hate rushing around before dashing out of the house trying to locate everything I need. If you have a lot of stuff you could keep a basket by the door and take the basket to the car with you. The key is that this spot is not for clutter to collect, it is for things you need to take to the car for the morning.

What’s for breakfast? Figure it out the night before and get it prepped. I set the table with what ever we need- bowls and spoons for cereal, cups for milk, etc. Slice the melon. Make the OJ. Lay out the vitamins... or vodka...or Xanax- whatever it takes.

Prepare lunches the night before so they just have to be packed in the morning. Once they are packed in the morning, put them in the dumping spot so they are not forgotten at home.

Get up before the rest of the family. Have a cup of coffee, shower, get dressed, check your email. Whatever you need to do to be ready for the day, do it before the kids wake up. Tend to your personal needs. Start the day happy. There is plenty of time later for it to go south!

Plan to leave early and be on time. I cannot tell you how many times this has saved my behind. When you calculate how long it is going to take you to get somewhere, add 15 minutes. Mornings are crazy, and even with preplanning there is going to be a hiccup here and there- a child has a hard time waking up, someone doesn’t want their hair combed, the dog won’t go to the yard...traffic! If you plan for these unexpected things in advance, they won’t be such a big deal if they happen. You won’t be screaming like a banshee because you are feeling stressed and rushed. Most importantly, you won’t be late.

My remedial algebra teacher in high school (yes, I said remedial...I’m not a math gal) would say, “Be on time when time matters and time always matters,” or something to that effect. This is so important, especially to teach our children. Being late causes needless anxiety and makes you look like you don’t care. When kids are late to events they miss out on stuff. Don’t do that to your kids!

So this is how I make my mornings manageable, and start the day off on the right foot. Some people like to make their beds first thing in the morning. This is not top on my priority list, but if it works for you, go for it!

The boys had their first day of school last week. We were on time. We didn’t forget anything. I didn’t raise my voice. These photos pretty much sum them up. I hope Franklin never looses his zest for life, and I hope Vincent learns that he doesn’t have to be perfect to be amazing.

My algebra teacher also said, “Life is like a burrito- don’t get all wrapped up in it,” or something like that. I love a good breakfast burrito!